So I guess me and Ollie are part of a circus now. It’s pretty cool. I get to travel around with him and steal – i mean earn – gold from dumb farmers and fancy pantsed rich guys. They’re all so dumb. The circus is pretty cool except for one part – THERE’S CAT PEOPLE HERE! 20 FOOT TALL FIRE BREATHING FELINES! Fucking OLLIE makes us join the ONE CIRCUS that has a god-damned FIRE SPITTING TIGER. Diary, if you find me burned to a crisp and getting eaten by a tiger in a dress, it was the tiger that did it. Also, there’s a lady thing who’s like a shadow but also like a person and stuff. I don’t know where she’s from and she always just laughs when I ask her. She’s cool though. I saw her cram herself into this little box and even Ollie was like impressed. I’ve never impressed Ollie… OH! And there’s this fox lady who’s kinda cool. But also like, dumb. She never even drank before she met us and now she’s like chugging brandy allllll day. She’s out of control. I looooove it. I love her?
So anywhoo’s, remember that skinny white chick that threw Ollie like 1000 feet and almost exploded him? Well, her name is Phee, and she’s the leader of the circus. She says we gotta listen to her and not steal stuff all the time, but yeah right. Anyway, she makes us go into the fancy pants guys house, named like Gnomey McBadguy or something, and we had to ‘entertain’ them because they said so. So, instead, I just did super good at my cups game and they gave me like almost a million gold. And then Phee tells us (me & Ollie, and the shadow lady and foxy mc-drunkenstein) that we have to rob this Gnomey guy, and I’m like, duh 10 steps ahead of you.
So we do our cup stuff, scam them outta a bazillion golds, and then go rummaging through their castle, and we find this chest with three locks on it. And like, I could EASILY pick them, but Phee said not to, so I don’t. Anyways, I make shadow lady carry it and we sneak out and climb through some trees and bushes and stuff and run back to the circus camp thing, and give the chest to Phee and she WONT EVEN OPEN IT IN FRONT OF US! So she takes it into her wagon (by the way, Ollie said we’d have a wagon, and we totally dont) and I try to go see what she’s doing and all of a sudden the door to the wagon flies open and theres this 400 ft tall guy made outta dirt and he has this stupid backpack on and he said something to us. I don’t remember what, but I bet Ollie does with his big stupid people brain. Anyway, he said something and now I’m over here writing in you. This is my life now. Stupid giant dirt people, fire breathing cats, drunk foxes, shadow ladies that hide in boxes, and Ollie. What the fuck happened?